Do you have questions about South Africa ahead of the 2010 World Cup
Jun12Written by:
2009/06/12 08:43 AM 
These questions about South Africa were posted on a South African Tourism Website and were answered by the website owner (great sense of humour!).
Q: Does it ever get windy in South Africa ? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? ( UK )
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? ( USA )
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Durban to Cape Town - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden )
A: Sure, it's only two thousand kilometres take lots of water...
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in South Africa ? ( Sweden )
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes...
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in South Africa ? Can you send me a list of them in JHB, Cape Town , Knysna and Jeffrey's Bay? ( UK )
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about Koala Bear racing in South Africa? ( USA )
A: Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific. A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe which does not...oh forget it. Sure, the Koala Bear racing is every Tuesday night in Hillbrow. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is north in South Africa ? ( USA )
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into South Africa ? ( UK )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Hillbrow, straight after the Koala Bear races. Come naked.
Q: Do you have perfume in South Africa ? ( France )
A: No, We don 't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in South Africa ? ( USA )
A: Anywhere where a significant number of Americans gather.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in South Africa ? ( France )
A: Only at Christmas.
Q: Are there killer bees in South Africa ? ( Germany )
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.
Q: Are there supermarkets in Cape Town and is milk available all year round?
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter-gatherers. Milk is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in South Africa who can dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All South African snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
Update:
This list of cheeky answers to dumb tourist queries has been circulated on the Internet in various forms since at least 2000. While 2006 iterations of the list position it as having to do with the 2010 Winter Olympics (which will be held in Vancouver, British Columbia), earlier Canadian versions merely noted the questions and answers had come from "An International Tourism Website" (always unnamed).
This list of howlers exists in at least two other forms, however: Australian and South African. It is an omnibus humor piece, in that the questions and insolent responses thereto can be reworked to fit most any country. Thanks to Jacobus, see his comment below. Found @ http://www.snopes.com/travel/foreign/olympics.asp
This is funny none the less.
blog comments powered by 2 comment(s) so far...
Re: Do you have questions about South Africa ahead of the 2010 World Cup
This is hysterically funny — so good, in fact, that it made one doubt whether this actually originated in South Africa. And of course it didn’t. I did a little digging and found this was plagiarized from a 2006 e-mail discussing the 2010 Winter Olympics. Here’s the link: http://www.snopes.com/travel/foreign/olympics.asp
By Jacobus Vermaak on
2009/06/12 03:21 PM
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Re: Do you have questions about South Africa ahead of the 2010 World Cup
Jaconus,
Well done. Thanks for that bit of info. I will ammend the post to reflect. But funny none the less.
By Robert Bravery on
2009/06/12 03:58 PM
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