Written by:
2009/02/18 08:35 AM 

"Star Trek Lost Episodes" transcript.

 
Picard: "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your
 	attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have
 	you been able to access their command pathways?"
 
Geordi:"Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching
 	through our archives on late Twentieth-century computing
 	technology."
 
Geordi presses a  key, and a logo appears on the computer screen.
 
Riker looks puzzled. "What the hell is 'Microsoft'?"
 
Data turns to answer. "Allow me to explain. We will send this
 	program, for some reason called 'Windows', through the Borg
 	command pathways. Once inside their root command unit, it will
 	begin consuming system resources at an unstoppable rate."
 
Picard: "But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they
 	alter their processing systems to increase their storage
 	capacity?"
 
Data: "Yes, Captain. But when 'Windows' detects this, it
 	creates a new version of itself known as an 'upgrade'. The use
 	of resources increases exponentially with each iteration. The
 	Borg will not be able to adapt quickly enough. Eventually all of
 	their processing ability will be taken over and none will be
 	available for their normal operational functions."
 
Picard: "Excellent work. This is even better than that
 	'unsolvable geometric shape' idea."
 
 	.. . . 15 Minutes Later . . .
 
Data:  "Captain, We have successfully installed the 'Windows'
 	in the command unit and as expected it immediately consumed 85%
 	of all resources.  We however have not received any confirmation
 	of the expected 'upgrade'."
 
Geordi: "Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg
 	storage and CPU capacity to compensate, but we still have no
 	indication of an 'upgrade' to compensate for their increase."
 
Picard:  "Data, scan the history banks again and determine if
 	their is something we have missed."
 
Data:  "Sir, I believe their is a reason for the failure in the
 	'upgrade'.  Appearently the Borg have circumvented that part of
 	the plan by not sending in their registration cards.
 
Riker:  "Captain we have no choice.  Requesting permission to
 	begin emergency escape sequence 3F . . ."
 
Geordi, excited  "Wait, Captain I just detected their CPU
 	capacity has suddenly dropped to 0% !"
 
Picard:  "Data, what does your scanners show?"
 
Data:  "Appearently the Borg have found the internal 'Windows'
 	module named 'Solitaire' and it has used up all the CPU capacity."
 
Picard:  "Lets wait and see how long this 'solitaire' can
 	reduce their functionality."
 
 	.. . .  Two Hours Pass  . . .
 
Riker:  "Geordi whats the status on the Borg?"
 
Geordi:  "As expected the Borg are attempting to re-engineer to
 	compensate for increased CPU and storage demands, but each time
 	they successfully increase resources I have setup our closest
 	deep space monitor beacon to transmit more 'windows' modules
 	from something called the 'Microsoft fun-pack'.
 
Picard: "How much time will that buy us ?"
 
Data:  "Current Borg solution rates allow me to predicate an
 	interest time span of 6 more hours."
 
Geordi:  "Captain, another vessel has entered our sector."
 
Picard:  "Identify."

Data:  "It appears to have markings very similar to the
 	'Microsoft' logo"
 
Over the speakers  
	"THIS IS ADMIRAL BILL GATES OF THE MICROSOFT FLAGSHIP MONOPOLY.  
	WE HAVE POSITIVE CONFIRMATION OF UNREGISTERED SOFTWARE IN THIS 
	SECTOR.  SURREDER ALL ASSETS AND WE CAN AVOID ANY TROUBLE.  YOU
	HAVE 10 SECONDS"
 
Data:  "The alien ship has just opened its forward hatches and
 	released thousands of humanoid shaped objects."
 
Picard:  "Magnify forward viewer on the alien craft"

Riker:  "Good God captain!  Those are humans floating straight
 	toward the Borg ship with no life support suits !  How can they
 	survive the tortures of deep space ?!"
 
Data:  "I don't believe that those are humans sir, if you will
 	look closer I believe you will see that they are carrying
 	something recognized by twenty-first century man as doe skin
 	leather briefcases, and wearing Armani suits"

Riker and Pichard together horrified  "Lawyers !!"
 
Geordi:  "It can't be.  All the Lawyers were rounded up and
 	sent hurtling into the sun in 2017 during the Great Awakening."
 
Data:  "True, but appearently some must have survived."
 
Riker:  "They have surrounded the Borg ship and are covering it
 	with all types of papers."
 
Data:  "I believe that is known in ancient venacular as 'red
 	tape' it often proves fatal."
 
Riker:  "They're tearing the Borg to pieces !"
 
Picard:  "Turn off the monitors.  I can't stand to watch, not
 	even the Borg deserve that."

From http://www.fiction.net/tidbits/scifi/borg.html

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